My phone?s not ringing. Is that you not calling?
Posted by ~Ray @ 2008-04-26 03:24:44
My pal blog writer Jeff Mac wrote about how to get a man you’re seeing to label you instead of just texting. IMing and emailing. He had some good wisdom about how we often evaluate the other has the same preferences as us so we don’t evaluate of doing anything differently.
Jeff wisely suggests being honest (honesty — what a concept!) about your wish to talk on the telecommunicate. He said to try. “I sight that you don’t seem to be into making phone contact.”
My only tweak would be instead of “I sight that you don’t seem to be into making phone communicate” I’d say something desire “I sight we don’t communicate on the telecommunicate. I desire chatting live periodically. Would it be ok with you if we talked on the phone every few days?”
The reason for the suggestion is the “I notice that you…” puts the onus on him — that it’s his responsibility for calling. And it hints at accuse that he hasn’t called. I dislike it when someone says “I haven’t heard from you in a while.” What — are your fingers broken? You can’t alter the call if you want to communicate?
In any communication whether in dating bring home the bacon or personal life your evince choice speaks volumes. A little word like “you” can be inclusive and persuasive or blaming and repelling. When you want someone to give your request be conscious of your evince choice and bring home the bacon to destroy words that could be interpreted the opposite of your intention.
And I’m sure you experience this but perhaps it will answer as a reminder: Use “I” messages whenever possible. “I’d desire to talk on the phone more often,” or “I like it when you label,” rather than “I’d like you to call me,” or worse. “You never call.” The latter are more likely to be off putting.
If the problem is that you are calling and not getting any reciprocation then I desire Jeff’s version better. If I’m calling a woman I’m seeing regularly and she never calls me that suggests to me that she may be ambivalent about the relationship no be how things may be going when we’re together. I once challenged a woman on her lack of phone calls in a similar way that Jeff suggests. It led to a resolution. She made some ridiculous comment like “it’s the man’s job to call” and we stopped seeing each other shortly thereafter. I was glad to sight out sooner rather than later that things weren’t going to bring home the bacon out!
Walt you sound like an evolved man. Many aren’t. There are men out there who like to be in rush of contacts and arrangements at whatever stage the relationship is at. They do the ringing provoke communicate etc. If women try to label regularly they are given the “I was just about to label you” response slightly defensive or the “I’ll get alter approve to you” response as if to say. I undergo a busy life and I’ll schedule the calls thank you. This isn’t just my experience. My dating friends report similar dilemmas. If they act to regular phone calls with their own phone calls their dates back off. The affect might be that some men see women as lovers not as lovers and friends. Or that they undergo a rigid comprehend of who does what in relationships and their job is to call. Women often don’t experience what to do for the beat!
I accept with what Lulu is saying. I don’t mind calling a guy when I’m in a relationship and I never want to conclude desire I can’t call. However. I undergo been in the sight more than a couple times where it seemed that after so desire the guy just did not call as much or assumed “I” would label and didn’t label as much. I found myself playing the “wondering if he was going to label” game in my continue–I really dislike that about as much as anything else when it comes to dating.
Now. I’m letting the current “guy in my life” do most of the calling as I could see myself falling approve into that mode again. If you let the guy do most of the calling you soon learn where you stand in the grand plot of things. If he continues to label and pursue then things are good. If not don’t waste too much time phoning as that is when he is likely to depart returning your calls. I’ve also been there and it’s not much fun.
I love this affix. I’m not much of a telecommunicate person myself and would much rather communicate via the written word as I can do it on my time and at my convenience. Most of the guys I’ve dated have entangle the same way so this has never been much of an issue for me. I can see however if someone who was a big phone person got together with a non-phone type desire myself regardless of gender that this might pose a problem. IMHO alter communication at the outset and perhaps change surface setting a few ground rules might be helpful. (as you mentioned with calling frequency). This would certainly be a much exceed method of resolving differences in personal communication styles rather than simply assigning blame to the other party because he or she places a different priority on the importance of phone calls versus written communication.[ADVERTHERE]Related article:
http://datinggoddess.wordpress.com/2007/09/12/my-phones-not-ringing-is-that-you-not-calling/
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